I was always angry as a teenager. Being bullied and abused; these things were fuel for me to be just like the people that were hurting me. When I hurt other people, I felt good, but it was only temporary, it wasn’t really happiness. I wanted to hurt the people that were hurting me and I always felt that I wasn’t strong enough. When I finally tried to hurt the people that hurt me, I didn’t feel good, I felt even more hurt. I wasn’t helping them by me doing what they were doing to me. It’s not me who they hate, it’s themselves, they hate themselves and they are using me to release their anger. This emotion is so powerful, it can ruin friendships, destroy families, and create more chaos. If we keep adding fuel to it, it only gets worse and it will never get better.
I had to learn how to control it and not let it control me. Even today, I still practice anger management, because there are times when it does get the better of me and I hurt people with my actions or words and I never feel good when that happens. If we take a breath, a walk, a nap, or cry or talk with someone, these things help release the tension that is built up inside of us and then we don’t use that negative energy, we extinguish it.
When I feel down, I listen to music, I vent to my friends and just walk. These things helped me so much through out my teen years and even into my adult life. I always want to be in control of my life and my actions and always try to avoid doing things that will affect those that are around me negatively.
I’ll talk a bit about how I hurt someone that hurt. My step-father, he wasn’t the greatest of people in my life, but he was still part of my life. He would always hit me, swear at me, and try to make me feel like less than I was. I would take it all, I would cry, and I would never do anything about it. When finally I had enough, all the anger, all of the rage, all of the hate that I had built up inside of me, I let it all out. I finally hit him back, I swore at him back, I didn’t hold back. I wanted to hurt him, like he hurt me. When it was done. I didn’t feel better, I hurt a lot, my heart broke. Because, this man, though he wasn’t my father, he was still the only man in my life that played a role in my upbringing, he was the only father figure I had, he was the only person I called “dad” for years, and I just hurt him. I cried and I apologized and I hugged him.
Even the people that we think we hate, we still have feelings for them, because of how much they have been involved in our lives. I forgive him for everything. I forgive everyone that has hurt me and those that will eventually. I know they are going through things and just need to release their anger.