Growth

I always wanted to be taller and I always wanted to learn new things. Both of these things are a type of growth, one is physical and the other is mental. I always asked questions and when I wasn’t able to get the answer, I would try to find the answer. As for being tall, I grew a lot, I am 6’7″. I am still growing mentally, physically, not so much.

The problem with mental growth is sometimes we come across people who don’t want us to grow so they try to stun us. When they successfully stun us, we are stuck, we can’t get out, because we believe everything they called us and told us. I had this happen to me a lot. I would be made fun of because I was trying to learn, this stunned me. This made me think that wanting to learn was not something everyone needs to do, so I strayed. This stun lasted for years until I finally found myself again, asking questions and wanting to learn again. I didn’t learn for many years because the people that made me cry because they laughed at me for wanting to know more, affected my ability to express myself.

We don’t know the power of our words and things we say to people. Sometimes we trigger something and that is it, that person is defeated. Why bring people down when we can help them grow and become so much more. Because I was brought down, I wanted to drag others with me, I didn’t want to be alone. After time and healing, I began to help others up and then that same thing was happening to me, people were helping me up and helping me grow.

Our minds are power, but are vulnerable to emotions, and these emotions can be poisonous or nurturing.

When you see some struggling ask them what you can do to help. If they don’t want help, insist, if they decline, then you tried. But know that, you made a difference, because you tried to help, just trying is enough some times. That is enough for someone to grab themselves and know that someone else cares and is wanting you get out of the rut you are in.

It took me a long time to realize that you never stop growing. Your mind and body growing with potential every time you learn and feel. When I first felt love, love with another person, it was beautiful. I grew to like love, it made me feel happy to have someone who I could express myself to and not worry. After that love was gone, I felt hurt, it was a different kind of hurt. It wasn’t like I lost someone to death, but it hurt enough to make me cry. This hurt was new to me and it also helped me grow as a person. I learned the two parts of a relationship.

We have to help each other grow. We have to nurture our hearts and minds. Growth is key to making a better tomorrow.

 

-EB

Hope

We sometimes hope to see someone again that has left us, we sometimes hope to be millionaires, we sometimes hope for a new start. We hope for a lot of things, but there are things we never have to hope for. Like clean water, fresh air, family, food, because these are things we may already have access to. I remember hoping to get new clothes when I younger, because the clothes that I was wearing were too small and were beginning to fall apart. I also remember hoping for a new game or game console. These were the kinds of things I hoped for when I was a kid. As I got older things that I hoped for I had and then I began to hope for new things, like shoes, popularity, iPods, etc. I wanted a lot more, a lot of the things that I hoped for were never really necessary, but I wanted them because they would make me feel better and make me feel cool. I never understood why I could never get the things that I wanted, but as I grew older and matured I realized that there are things that your parents can and cannot afford. I hoped for someone to notice my cool new shoes and then I would my mom and dad would be together again. I had two separate things I hoped for in my life, things that I wanted and things that I needed. Like I wanted shoes. But I needed my family to be whole again, so I could stop crying every time I saw dad. I always asked him when he was coming home and he said he can’t. Then I would cry more. I would hope and hope that one day my family would be whole again. I eventually grew out of it, I stopped hoping for that. I knew that those kinds of things will not alway happen. My mom and dad are still separated, but my relation with my dad is perfect. My family may not have been whole or together when I was younger, but they are together in my heart.

I no longer hope for thing that I know that I can get. I only hope things that I know I am unable to achieve on my own. I am capable of doing a lot of things on my own and if I want something, I will get it. Like if I want shoes, I will buy shoes. If I want more games, I will buy more games. If I want pizza and pop and chips, I will get it. I am not longer limited to the things that I want. I can go out to the store and grab whatever I want on the spot. If I am unable to get things at the store I go online and purchase it. I no longer for miniscule things. I now hope for larger and more prized things. I hope that one day I will travel the world. I hope that I will change the world. I hope that I am able to provide a future for my family and friends. I hope that I can make a difference in each persons life that I meet. I hope that I wake up every morning. I hope that my family is safe. I hope that health is okay. I hope that I will always be happy. There is so much that I hope for. I know that my hopes can only go so far and there is only so much that can be hoped for.

I am not saying stop hoping for things, your hopes are the only things that you come up with and those things motivate you. Keep hoping, you are motivating yourself to keep your hopes up and to eventually get the things that you want and need. Hope for things are possible and don’t rely on them, because sometimes thing we hope, we can achieve and get our own. We have to believe in ourselves as much as we believe in the hopes we have.

 

-EB

Our Language: Cree

I wanted to talk about how I’ve lost my “native tongue” and many things over the time. I never got to speak a lot of it, heard it a lot, but never got to speak and have a full conversation. Me and my siblings all have been around the tongue of our people, the Cree. And we were never taught. We wanted to learn, but my mother refused and said to ask our Grandfather, but because my grandfather went through residential schooling, he learned that his language was evil and to not speak or teach it. He was also reluctant to teach us as well. So, because of all of this, I and my siblings never got to learn and never got to speak the words our people have been speaking for a long time. I know as a social person in life, I am quite towards my people, because they don’t want to move and try to help themselves. They don’t know the power we have and the things that we are capable of. That is why I am made this blog, so I can share my thoughts and feelings, and how I had overcome many obstacles in my life, through childhood almost to adulthood. I know people like to tell me, people heal at different paces, people keep healing until the day they are dead, but we can’t let our wounds control us. I am still yet to find a teacher, so I can learn my language and hope to pass it on to my children (If I am to have any) and my nephews and nieces. I want to help my language heal and flourish once again among my generation and the area I live in. The language that I write in, is the language I was taught and the one I know best. If I was able to write in my language, I would.

We lose a lot of things in our life, either to death or just people walking out of our lives. There are many things that get lost and sometimes are found, but when a language is gone and isn’t shared traditionally, such as being spoken to, in it. Then the language eventually loses its influence over the people it has had over them for many years. Just like we lose a friend, we lose someone who had an influence over us, they made a difference in our life and affected it in someway. Appreciating the language we have is like appreciating someone for the things they’ve done for you, whether it is them teaching you or helping you get better from an injury. Wanting our language to be heard is wanting our voice to heard, we can only truly shout out the hurt in our tongue, because then the world knows we mean what we are saying. ┬áThere are a great deal of people who speak their language in my area, but many of those people deter themselves from teaching it. The oppression of residential schools has affected my grandparents, my parents, and even my generation. We lost our ability to share, the ability to truly care about our culture, the ability to practice and teach. All of these things can be reacquired if we start talking to each other and hearing the stories of our elders and parents, let our families know we care and start healing at home. Those are the first steps to recovery. Heal our families and then try to heal the people that need healing. Once we are all healed and happy again, we can celebrate by song, story telling, teaching the language and growing ourselves once again.

In my previous writing, I talk about our resilience, we are resilient, but resilience doesn’t mean it will happen in a day. The more people who are involved, the faster and faster our knowledge grows and our culture beings to return to its roots and our people begin to see our purpose. We are the first people, the people that roamed this land for thousands of years and we lived off of everything around us. We were the people that maintained and cared the land and people around us. We knew how to heal our wounds from hunting, we knew how to calm the children from fright with song, we knew how to say “thank you” for the food and water given to us, we knew how to survive, and still today, we know we can survive. We are still here, everyday is a challenge, a challenge to protect our language, our land, ourselves, our future. I know that if we continue to pursue the things that were promised, we will eventually be able to live like the rest of the world, but more harmonious and free.

My grandfather told me that the only thing we have left that belongs to the people is our Language. That is the one thing that the government, death, or anything can take away from us. “They” have the land, the water, the politics, the resources, and media, but they can’t take our language, it belongs to us. Our people created it and shared it and taught it. It’s the one thing that we have to keep with us, so we remember the people who fought for our rights as Indigenous people’s and fought for us to have land and fought for us to hunt and fish; Our language is our history and without, we are gone.

Ekosi

-EB

Self belief: Strength and Power

My family are all religious and go to church and all that stuff. Me on the other hand, I am not religious and don’t really know if I will ever be, but I love and respect my family for what they believe in. I haven’t been able to really believe in a god or a supreme being; I was a little kid and my mother and father were always fighting and sometimes I would get caught in between the yelling and swearing. That I would get hit. I remember, every time that I got hit, I would pray to god and ask him to help me. Allow me to get away from this home and these people, because they were hurting me. I never got a response or nothing changed for me. So, I stopped praying and started to do things on my own. I didn’t ask for help and tried my best to learn everything on my own. I know my family would credit God for the person that I am today, but it wasn’t God that gave me strength, it was the friends and people that I met each day that made me who I am and my own willpower. I earned everything that I have today. God didn’t give me my job, I did. God didn’t make me smarter, I did. God couldn’t help me when I needed it the most, then he doesn’t get credit for my achievements. When someone asks me if I believe in God or have any religious belief, I tell them that I believe in myself, that is where all my power comes from, self belief. You can keep praying all that you want, I will not judge you, but believing in yourself has so much more power than any prayer.

During my school days, I was constantly bullied for my poor apparel, being tall, my given names, my smile, anything that they could tease me about, they teased and teased. When you are teased about your smile, do you really want to smile again? I know that I didn’t wan to. These are the kinds of things that slowly destroy a person, not a lot of people understand that, especially those that have never been on the opposite side of bullying. I stopped smiling for a long while. I worked harder when it came to improving myself. I got tired of not being as good as some of the people that would play sports. I got tired of being a walking target. I began to excel at things that I wanted to, not what people wanted, I kept drawing, I kept writing (even though it was poorly written), I kept trying to beat everyone at sports, I kept trying until I eventually got better at everything I did. My self esteem grew and so did my maturity and my mind. I eventually dropped out of school and tried looking for work, whenever I was given a job, I always gave it my all, never less than 100%. I built a pretty decent resume and kept looking for more work and eventually landed a job at the store I work at now today. Because of all my hard work, I was able to get a permanent job and was able to better improve myself. I have worked at this store for 5 years always giving it 100%. Always.

Believing in yourself doesn’t stop at finding a job, finishing school, becoming a writer, etc Believing in yourself grows as much as we do, whenever we do things that make us happy, we achieved this happiness on our own, we earned it. I know if I didn’t eventually believe in myself, I would end up like a lot of the people that I know and see everyday. They aren’t happy, they can crack a smile, but they aren’t happy. Because, they rely on a system that makes them dependent. If I ended up like that, I believe I wouldn’t be here today, because I had already went through enough, I wouldn’t want to be stuck for the rest of my life. Many people don’t know much about, other than what they hear. I work hard and always have since I was 15 years old, I wanted to make my own money, so I can own things that I know that I worked for. Not given to me. I wanted to in charge of my life. Because of this self belief, I could be happy living in the woods with the wildlife and nature, I could live on an island all lone and nothing would change me, I could live in the city, and I would still believe I could make it. No obstacle can hold me from my dreams, my passion, my happiness, my freedom, and from my love of everything around me.

It’s this self belief that has given me the strength and power that I always dreamed of ever since I was a kid. I always wanted to have the power to defend myself, the strength to say “no”, the power to carry any burden, and the strength to forgive. I learned so much from so many people, I thank them all for believing in me and allowing to become a better person everyday. There are so many people I wouldn’t be able to name them all. I know that they know that I am thankful for their love, education, caring, and belief in me. If it wasn’t for the people around me, I probably would’ve had a harder time to believe in myself, but here we are today. Happy.

Thank you for reading.

-EB

Forgiveness: How to get there

As we learn about ourselves and learn about others, we notice the changes in our mind and in our bodies. Things don’t stay the same; eating habits, sleep patterns, social involvement, environment, and everything in life as we see it. It all changes. The way we felt about someone 5 years ago probably changed and we no longer feel the same way about them. We no longer have that bond and trust as before. These are the many types of changes we will notice. People could have been mean, hurtful, evil, and a lot of other terrible things to us. At that time, we hated them and disliked them, but as we matured and grown, we either feel the same way or we forgave them.

As a kid and through my teen years, I was bullied and picked on for almost anything. I would just stay still and someone would find a reason to pick on me. I did something as simple as talk to someone, they would pick on me. I wasn’t able to do anything, because people always wanted to prove they were bigger and stronger. I would go home and cry and get mad, because, I didn’t know what to do. My mother would calm me and down and tell me, that I am the stronger person for not hurting them and they are just making me stronger by picking on me. I never understood my mother when she said that they were making me stronger. I always felt weak and useless, because there was nothing I could do but let them bully me. I would ask them why and they would never give me a reason and just continue to hurt me and call me names. Finally one day I wasn’t able to take it anymore and snapped. I was really angry and grabbed one of the bullies and threw them. I didn’t hurt them, but they got to witness how strong I can be and that they’ve made me reach the limit. After that incident, I was suspended from school for a week and my mom went to explain the situation and what’s been going on for some time now. After that moment, I had no more bullies. No one ever picked on me. I was left alone and was able to finally make friends and enjoy my time in school and anywhere else.

I never believed my mother when she said I was becoming stronger. I do now. I was not getting stronger physically, but emotional and mentally. My bullies and tormentors given me the power to forgive and become stronger and a bigger heart. I thank them for making me a stronger person and forgive them for all the hurt they’ve caused me. I forgive them for calling me down and belittling me. I forgive them for everything. Because, without them, I wouldn’t be able to forgive as I do today.

We take all the hurt that’s been given to us and let it out and not with anger nor sadness, but with happiness, we are happy that we are stronger, we are happy that we are alive, we are happy to have friends, we are happy we have family, and we are happy to have found forgiveness. We forgive those that hurt us, because deep down somewhere they are hurting as well. We forgive them because we understand the pain. This is how we learn to forgive the pains inflicted on us whether it be bullies, parents, strangers, nature, brother, sister, it doesn’t matter, we just have to forgive them and let them heal, so we too can heal. Forgiving is strength and strength is needed to heal.

“Just as we forgive those that lie to us, we should forgive those that caused pain to us whether it is inflicted physically or emotionally.”

-EAB